A few months ago I attended an outcall to a cow that had something hanging out near her rear end. I had nothing more than an address and directions to get to the yards from the front gate. When I arrived, there was a huge padlock on the front gate!! (I should have taken this as a bad omen, turned around and gone back to the clinic). After trying to contact the owner for several minutes, I decided to walk to the yards, following my very detailed directions. Unfortunately distance was never mentioned in these directions and after 3km, a few encounters with some kangaroos and one very minor stumble, I arrived at the rather decrepit looking yards. Although relieved I had found the yards, there was a distinct lack of “cow” and people to be at the right location. After trying to call the owner several more times and sitting at the yards for about 20 minutes, I decided to continue walking through the paddocks and see if I could find anyone.
I casually strolled through the paddocks, as I let the girls at the clinic know I was going to be late getting back, when all of a sudden I heard a car horn beeping. Naturally, I decided to head towards this noise. As I got closer and closer to the noise, I began to here people’s voices and could even make out the odd profanity. Finally, I could see the vehicle (2015 Toyota Hilux – dual cab – this is important for later in the story) and the people that were making this noise, as I reached the top of the damn bank.
To my amazement, there was a man, partially clothed, on a horse, in the middle of the dam, that was being chased by a very agitated Brahman cross cow. After taking this spectacle in for a few seconds and then gathering my composure, I calmly started walking towards the vehicle that was located on the other side of the dam to both have a chat to the owner and also to see if I could visualize what was hanging out the back end of the cow. During this time, the very protective mother cow happened to notice me walking in the direction of her precious new born calf that I didn’t know at the time, was sitting in the shade of a tree behind the dam bank that I was now casually strolling across.
Like a great white shark (obviously a little slower – but she was definitely swimming at this stage) she changed both direction and target and began heading towards me. I calmly increased my relaxed walk to a light jog and reached the Toyota Hilux which I thought would provide adequate protection from this now very angry cow. To both my and the drivers amazement, the cow then continued up the dam bank, gathering both speed and momentum and frantically chased me around the ute several times. As I not so politely yelled at the driver of the dual cab ute to open the door and let me in, the enraged cow, inched closer to me and my green overalls. After the third lap of the ute, the driver finally managed to open the rear passenger door, however she didn’t have time to inform me that there was a child’s car seat and the highest mountain of empty red bull cans I have ever seen in my life. Given this was not the time to be discussing car cleanliness, I not so gracefully leaped through the remaining space and quickly slammed the door shut behind me. I was alive!
As I sat there amongst the red bull cans, breathing like a steam engine and gathering my thoughts, I heard an almighty thud and noticed that the car seemed to be rocking a little more than it should be. This very passionate mother cow had decided to give us one more parting gift and leave a massive head print in the panel of the side door, that I had recently climbed in. Finally, the cow trotted over to inspect her calf and to my udder disbelief, there was now nothing hanging out the back end of the cow. It turns out she had fetal membranes that had passed with all the running about.
When I finally arrived back at my vehicle, a little shaken, but mostly relieved!! I was greeted by my lovely vet nurse, who proceeded to tell me what a fantastic time she was having sitting in the car. Listening to music and responding to a months worth of emails she just couldn’t find the time to get to.
What did I learn from this experience:
1.Always have an exit strategy in place.
2.Never underestimate the pace and or determination of a recently calved cow.
3.Its amazing what a small space you can fit through in what seems like a life or death situation!
